Ceremonies from the Heart
Selecting a Wedding Officiant
Your wedding and wedding day is an exciting time. It is a day that honors and celebrates the love you share with your betrothed, your family and friends and begins your new life together as a married couple. As you plan for this day, much energy will go into ensuring it is the perfect reflection of your values, hopes and dreams.
The ceremony is the heart and soul of your wedding, in fact it not only sets the tone for the entire day, it establishes the foundation for the next phase of your life together as a married couple. Selecting the right officiant therefore is an important decision and a process you should begin fairly soon after establishing your wedding date.
So where do you begin this process? Clearly you will want to select a person who is professional, has good communication skills and will be able to create a ceremony that reflects who you are as a couple. You can begin by thinking about some of the following questions:
What is the relationship you wish to establish with your officiant?
- Are you comfortable in her presence, will she take the time to get to know you as an individual and as a couple?
- Do you like the sound of his voice and how he speaks (this is part of establishing a tone for the ceremony)?
- Is she flexible in her ability to meet your needs?
- Will he provide ongoing support as needed?
- Can she offer coaching to you when you come up against unforeseen obstacles?
- Are you interested in either pre-marital counseling and/or creating a marriage vision and can he facilitate this for you?
Creating the right ceremony for your wedding. An officiant that is a guide and "co-creator" of your ceremony is most likely to help you create a meaningful, unique and personal ceremony. Here are some questions that can help you discern if the person you are speaking with can achieve this.
- Are you looking for a religious, non-denominational, spiritual, civil and/ or a mix of traditional and contemporary? Is she open to the type of ceremony you would like to create?
- Is he knowledgeable and creative about the various rituals that can be included in your ceremony?
- Is she willing to provide the right amount of direction based upon your personal needs (not too much, not too little)?
- What are his ideas about including family and friends that you would like involved?
- What kind of direction can she provide for creation of your vows if you wish to write your own?
- If you wish to include readings, does he have a selection for you to choose from given the type of ceremony you would like to create?
- Will she look for themes that are important to you and weave them throughout your ceremony?
- Will he show you a draft ceremony and allow changes and rewrites?
Logistics to consider:
- Is she registered in the state and/or town that you are getting married in?
- If he is an ordained clergy, where did he receive his ordination (does it matter to you if it was through a seminary or an on-line ordination)?
- Does it matter to you how much, and what type of experience she has?
- What is his fee and what does it include (i.e. initial meeting, rehearsal, travel, second meeting, phone time etc)?
- If his fee includes a rehearsal, but you are not requiring him to be present, will he reduce the fee?
- How will she interface with other wedding professionals such as Photographers, Musicians and Videographers?
- Does she have “rules” for what is allowed during the ceremony?
- In the event he has an emergency, does he have a professional who is able to fill-in for him, if not, what is your recourse?
- Will she leave you with a keepsake copy of the wedding ceremony?
The person you select as your wedding officiant is someone who you feel confident will listen and help you to create the ceremony that is a true reflection of your unique relationship, values, hopes and dreams. She is a person who can be a calming influence on your wedding day and can offer you guidance throughout the process. Taking the time to select your officiant will help you create a memorable wedding day.